Eternity doesn’t have plumbing problems!

Satan knows me well.

he knows my weaknesses and how to push my “worry now” button.

not that i have to let him get to me, but he knows exactly what will send me into tears and anxiety and worries.

this last week, he hit me in the finance department.

we have some plumbing issues.  $1400 worth. 

no biggie, right?

but as the plumbers fixed the issues, we discovered a much BIGGER problem. 

the two upstairs baths are leaking sewage into the basement where the pipes all meet up and head out of the house.  this happens to be in a small closet in my husband’s office. right next to the boys’ room.

drip. drip. drip.

ewwwwww.

haven’t been able to get an estimate yet.  apparently all the plumbing from the sinks, bathtub and 2 toilets have to be replaced.  it requires permits, and holes in the walls and floor. 

sigh. 

and this right on the heels of replacing our gas stove because it is really, really old and burns little hands if touched when the oven is on.

oh, yeah, and we went ahead and got the new dishwasher because we thought we were in a good place to do so and my husband really hates doing dishes by hand! (i love that man!!)

oh, and did i mention that my husband’s car needed new brakes?

and that i am making a trip out to north carolina to visit my uncle who has taken a significant turn for the worse with his ALS and is now on Hospice?

*sigh*

satan knows just how to push me over the edge.

thank goodness, my GOD is so much bigger than all of this.

it is only money.

this is only a temporary home.

eternity won’t have any plumbing issues!

i have a hope, a secure place in Heaven because i love my Savior and believe He died for me on the cross, and rose again!

the Holy Spirit can take this on for me and relieve me of my worries.

thank you, GOD!

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Ps 31:24

getting back there...

lately, i have been sort of missing in action from family life.

i am here physically, but mentally and emotionally, and.. well, especially spiritually, i kind of checked out.

the last few months have been especially hard on all of us. 

we have had so many major stressors in the last year or so, and i think everything just tumbled down onto me at once. 

see, i am really good at pushing the worries and stress way down deep.  but then, as all good volcanoes do, i erupt and pour hot molten lava on everything (and everyone) in my path, leaving a trail of destruction.

i have done lots of damage these last few months in particular.  i had to return to work full time and that was a big adjustment.  the KISA has been working to get his business off the ground, but the only time he can work is when i am not working, so our marriage has taken a hit or two.

it feels like we are in crisis management mode and on auto pilot.

the groceries got so far down the other day, we were out of just about everything.

and i can’t figure out how to get back..

back to where i loved God and prayed to Him and depended on Him. 

back to where i liked my kids and my husband. 

back to where i wanted to do more than eat and lay around and do nothing but watch reruns of Grey’s Anatomy (i know, i am really laying it all out there for ya).

back to where my prayer journal had prayers in it. 

and my gratitude list was full of gifts.

back to where i looked forward to spending the evening with my husband.

back to where my smile was genuine, and lit up my face.

maybe i need to stop lamenting about what i left behind and look forward to what is ahead.  it is just that the path seems so gray.  not dark or light... just full of fog. 

God hasn’t left me.  i cannot blame Him.  but somehow, i have to find my way to Him. 

Making Your Home a Haven: Choosing Love

wow. what a timely post and challenge. this morning i was caught up in a battle of screaming with my (just turned) 4 year old. he and his brother were arguing about which episode luke skywalker lost his arm in to darth vader of all things!! needless to say...J was extremely upset that N (age 6) wasn't agreeing with him, and so in order to get N to understand he turned UP the volume. and not a little, either. so i came in to "settle" the dispute, only to find myself yelling at J to stop screaming! how silly am i? it completely deteriorated and i exasperated my son to the point that he declared he didn't love me and would never talk to me again. (this has been an ongoing thing with him as he seeks methods of exerting control...we are trying to get a handle on it and encourage loving and kind speech as well as peace/unity instead of strife)...and, of course, we had to leave in like, two minutes for an Easter celebration with story-telling and drama and painting (thanks, heather!) ...

i pretty much lost it on my son and i am very thankful that we have vacant houses on either side of us. i am sure the volume alone would have warranted a call to the authorities...so...after my story, i think i needed the reminder of :

If you want to be cheerful, you must choose to be cheerful (even when you don't feel like it). If you want to have patience, you have to practice waiting quietly and calmly (even when you don't feel like it). If you want to be kind, choose kindness (even when you don't feel like it).

from tammy over at tammy's recipes. i am sometimes overwhelmed by my impatience with my children. i mean, sometimes, the loudness of the boys, the clinginess of the girl, the ever-lasting pile of laundry and dirty dishes and yellow pee around the toilet bowl (how do they miss?!?!?) just get to me. and i feel far from loving most days. starting my day purposing (is that a word?) to love, be kind, patient, react without overreacting is a lofty goal. one i have been attempting to achieve regualrly since having children (ok, really, since getting married). i needed the reminder to act in love. to promote peace and unity in the house is first accomplished by me and then the children learn by example, or so i hope.

how on earth can i expect J to stop screaming when i am screaming at him to stop screaming??? my son deserves an apology for mommy losing it on him. i think i will go do that now.

thanks for the manna, tammy!

tuesday's torment

i do not have a great relationship with my mother. or my father. or my sister. it has something to do with the fact that i believe in Christ. i think it is a disappointment to them. see, i have become this stay-at-home-mom. i got my bachelor's in 1995 for nursing, and went into the air force immediately after (the AF paid my way through school). i disappointed my father when i decided to get out of the military after four years. i disappointed them both when i decided to marry a man without a degree. and i REALLY disappointed them when i told them i was a christian and wanted to raise my family according to a biblical worldview! whew ... and...homeschooling..you gotta be kidding me! see, my sis teaches in the public school system and saw it as a personal affront that i was going to teach my own children. surely i am not qualified...ahem.

don't get me wrong. i love my family. they really aren't bad people, just misguided and not saved. if i hadn't started following Jesus, things would be different. i would be in the military still, probably with a kid or two and they would be attending public school and i would be working full time as an RN, with a master's degree and a 6 figure income.

and i wouldn't be happy. i would still be searching for the love that only Jesus can give. i would maybe even be divorced, because i am not exactly the easy-going person who just rolls with anything. it takes a super-special man to hang around me and not go crazy (...thanks, babe!).

so, i choose to be happy. i choose to go crazy with my kids on a daily basis. we may even have another one just to even out the odds...i like even numbers :) i choose to meal-plan and shop the cheapest deals. i choose to not have cable or dvr. i choose to work only one night a week so that we have enough to pay the bills. i choose to homeschool my children so they get one-on-one teaching and so we can have the freedom to go to the zoo when the crazies aren't there! i choose to put my God first, my husband second and take care of my family. i choose to be a helpmate to my husband.

and i am happy. blow-me-down, jump for joy, lovin' life kind of happy.

night time routine

last week, tammy over at tammy's recipes challenged us to establishing a morning routine. i am ashamed to admit that i only completed a portion of my list on a few mornings. eeeek! i feel pretty much a failure right now. but...i feel kind of excited, too, because her challenge this week is to establish a nightly routine!! yippeeee...i sort-of already did that last week, and i was much better at getting that done. i do need to tweak it a bit, so below is the original and revised routine for my nighttime...ahhhh, maybe i will get my swing-on in the morning, too :)

1. get a load of laundry ready to throw in
2. get the coffee ready to go and have my bible and journal out and ready
3. DO NOT STAY UP LATE
4. set out the tennies and ipod and access bar by the elliptical

okay. some were not realistic at all!!
1. the load of laundry into the washer, ready to start in the morning...check
2 (a) get coffee ready...check
2 (b) get bible/journal ready...need to work on it, but need to do it!!
3. DO NOT STAY UP LATE. i am failing miserably at this one. i envy tammy's goal of 9 pm...i just love watching the monster box in the living room a little too much...need to eliminate the darn thing altogether! i am shooting for a 10 pm and no later bedtime!!
4. set out tennies, etc...hahahahahahahahahahaha....oh, this one is too funny. although i am currently weighing more now than i did on the day i delivered our first child i cannot wiggle my ars enough to get it on the elliptical, let alone actually use it...i need some more motivation. it doens't help that my hubby INSISTS i make cookies (yeah, blame it on him!) the more realistic effort would be to actually exercise while watching Biggest Loser instead of eating. what do you think?
5. NEW: make the hubby's lunch before going to bed..i just can't get out of bed at 5.
6. make sure the kitchen is halfway decent before going to bed...at least have the dishwasher running.

that's it. i hope i do better this week!!

Wednesday's Manna

i attended a moms group wednesday morning at our church. it was very fruitful, and i think i gathered manna that was both nourishing and challenging. the topic for the morning was how to be busy at home. the scripture reference was from Titus 2.3-5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

several questions were posed to us as moms of young children (birth-6ish). i thought they were worth pursuing on a deeper level. i think it would do my heart good to see what God has in store for me as i answer them for myself. i want to be honest with Him, first and foremost. and i may even share the answers with my husband. if i answer them and do nothing, i lose out on the blessing of character change *wince* that God has in store for me. below are the questions.

1. What does being busy in your home look like?
2. Who or what has inspired you to be content working at home?
3. What has God shown you to focus on in the home?
4. What things tempt you away from you priorities in the home and what do you do to fend off the temptations?

the last one is going to be the one that challenges me the most, i think. i let a lot of things get in the way of my daily duties in the home. identifying the things that get in the way should be easy. changing them is a whole other ball game.