Tuesday, March 29, 2011

tuesday’s torment

my heart is kinda heavy today as i think about my mom.

i have written about her before.  she and i have a somewhat strained relationship.  she doesn’t approve of our homeschooling, our religious convictions, our politics… so it is only strained if we talk with any sincerity about what is really going on in our lives. 

so we avoid those topics and talk about weather, how work is, you know.. nothing with any meaning.

but lately, we talk about her health.

for the last year she has had the most baffling illness that is involving atrophy of her muscles.  she is unable to hold her head upright for any length of time.  her muscles are wasting in her pelvis and thighs and making it difficult to walk. 

she has lost her smile.  but she can still whistle.

the doctors are baffled.  she has undergone test after test.  just this last week she had tests done in denver, 4+ hours from her home.  we have to wait two weeks for results.  but the neurologist there has little hope that they will find anything.

her symptoms are just too odd.  some of her symptoms match up with some diseases, but then other symptoms just confuse the diagnosis.


no known reason or cause.

i have never liked that word much as a medical professional.  it means we cannot figure it out.

so right now they are calling it idiopathic dystrophy.

and meanwhile, my mom’s daily life is slowly ebbing away without any good reason.

she has aged more than i ever imagined in this past year.

it was shocking to see her for the first time last september when we moved back.  she looked so old.  and tired.

i am not sure what to do for her other than pray.

will you pray with me?

Monday, March 28, 2011

march winds…

we have had a pretty decent march.  last year at this time, i was on strict bedrest awaiting the birth of child #4, and encountering significant financial hardships as the KISA’s job situation hung in the balance.  this march, we are enjoying our new (old) home, getting reacquainted with our local attractions and exploring new territory.

a welcome change :)

as i count up my gifts from the Lord this week, i am glad that i can look back on our last year as a time of incredible challenges and lots of character development… both for myself as well as my family.  i am eagerly anticipating what He is going to do with us as we continue to trust in His plan for our lives.  although, sometimes i still try to manage things at my level (insert bashful grin here)…


229. we have a beautiful lake formed by a man made dam just 13 miles from the house.  we spent some time there after church to picnic.  i caught this great snapshot of daddy and daughter by the lake front. 


230. as we walked through the woods on the marked trail, we came across two mule deer just munching happily on the grass.  this isn’t even on zoom :)  i was pleased at how quiet the kids were as we stood watching.


231. felled trees make for excellent climbing adventures!


232. stinkerbell had to dress up her lamb… it still has on the diaper!


233. the moose is really enjoying music… he will even try to sing along!  i love watching him dance to daddy’s guitar.


234. this is the 4 kiddos watching daddy go.  moose is actually standing on the air register along the floorboard so that he can see out.  all you see from outside is from the ‘whites of his eyes’ up :)

more gifts…

235. green grass sprouting up in abundance

236. sun peeking through the clouds on an overcast day

237. the decreased use of the heater, and more open windows!

238. protective doggy barks

239. after dinner walks

240. getting off a few hours early from work

241. next door neighbor kids and talking through the fence

242. back yard play

243. fondant recipes that are easy

244. an upcoming birthday

245. glue dots and double stick tape

join in the blessings by counting up your gifts with other members of the gratitude community.  click the button below to bless others and be blessed :)

Monday, March 21, 2011


when bonobo was 3 and potty training, i used to say (in my most hero-like voice (you know, all booming and drawn out like the guy who announces a boxing match?)

“SUPER MOM… to the POTTY RESCUE!!!” (arms held out as i ‘fly’ into the bathroom…)

and then proceed to interview him about his tush cleaning procedures…

“and how’s your bum feeling now?” (imagine me standing over my son with a pretend microphone held up for interviewing purposes)

(giggle giggle)

“is your bum clean now?”


anyway… i had just about forgotten that little ritual.  and just the other day, he yelled from the bathroom..

“MOM, I GO POOP!” and as i headed in to help, he told me to do my SUPER MOM bit.

never did i picture this scenario in my “dreams” of being a mom.  i never imagined discussions about poop, being summoned at all times of the day to clean up poop, nor being excited about poop.

but, there you have it. 

and i wouldn’t trade it for all the perfect mom ideals i concocted long before i was a mom. 

and so starts my (not-so-weekly) list of gifts

214. being “SUPER MOM” to my children :)

215. my daughter’s first REAL letters… B and P written without prompting (or tears, or screaming, or antics…)

216.  four little faces watching from the window as i leave the house for work

217.  saying good-bye to caviar (tic tac’s beloved stuffed cat)  whenever i leave the house

218.  silly stories and cuddles on the couch laughing together

219.  peek-a-boo at naptime

220. laundry piles folded…and put away!!

221. cheerios

222. butt paste (yep…we got issues with diaper rash…again!)

223. “Journey to the Cross” by Helen Haidle.  this is our devotional as we focus on Jesus’ life, death and resurrection.  i am learning so much as we read through this as a family

224.  science experiments that are successful!


225. a sermon about being in worship 24-7, not just on sunday mornings

226. a chance to sit through the sermon uninterrupted by the moose, who went to the nursery and didn’t scream the *whole* time (just a little bit of it)

227. as always, a God who is bigger than everything, who is in control of everything, and who holds the world in His hand. 

228.  and even though He is so BIG, He cares about all of the little things, like the number of hairs on my head and the sworls on my fingertips.

join in with ann and the other members of the gratitude community as we count our way to 1000!

Monday, March 14, 2011

on time!!

can you believe it??  i am posting my list of gifts on the day it is “due” so to speak.  i have to type quick, though… who knows when the next meltdown will occur.

186.  elephant and piggie books

187.  do a dot markers

188. vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and peanuts

189. my crock pot

190.  new meal plans… complete with shopping lists

191. DST… it actually worked in my favor this year as i got off work an hour early :)

192. a husband who is working his tail off to get new clients so i can cut back at work sooner rather than later

193.  my KISA’s new job teaching accounting for a local university. 

194. completing 4 weeks of our new curriculum (yep, i changed mid year!)

195. the return of “booger brain

196. bonobo drawing a picture for his sister

197. bonobo’s sheer delight in exclaiming “Satan has been defeated!  He can’t touch me!!” with a fist pump for emphasis

198.  finding bonobo’s Message bible under his pillow… he sleeps with it every night

199.  tic tac’s very intricate drawings.  he loves to make them as full of details as possible

200. tic tac’s love of all things bug

201. audiobooks with accompanying bound books.  tic tac is devouring these and increasing his reading skills immensely

202. stinkerbell’s love of dress up and all things girlie

203.  stinkerbell hanging out in the bathroom with me while i shower so she and i can have (in her words) girl time

204.  a little girl’s desires to be like mommy… a lot of her statements lately start with “when i’m a mommy like you” or “when i’m taller than you”

205. the moose’s love of walking instead of crawling

206. the diaper rash that is FINALLY gone!!

207. normal poop (ok, weird, i know, but if you read this post you will understand why i write this!)

208. a gracious, loving compassionate God.  He loves me despite me.

209. miraculous shirts that stop bullets from entering a young man’s abdomen and killing him (i’ll fill you in on that one later)

210.  newly budding trees

211. plans for a greenhouse in my backyard!!!

212. the thought of fresh veggies, straight from the ground and my own hard work!

213.  the teaching opportunities that will arise from having our own greenhouse garden: patience, diligence, commitment to name a few

how about you?  are you counting up your gifts?  it is never too late to start! head on over to Ann’s and check it out :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

another use for books…



the boys had a little extra time on their hands while daddy was working in his office and i was sleeping after a long shift. 

stinkerbell became a casualty when her forehead got hit by the flying stepstool.

don’t ask.

the plus side?

all the books were nicely arranged in the shelves afterwards.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

could have been bad…

as i went to work on monday afternoon, the snow was falling.  it was coming down pretty good, too.  i saw a few cars slipping, and was pretty cautious driving. 

by 6 pm, the snow was sticking and the roads were starting to freeze.

i left at 3 am (my normal shift).  there were 3 or so inches of snow on the car, and a thick layer of ice on all the windows.  i had forgotten to bring my gloves, so i had to scrape without them. 

needless to say, my fingers were pretty numb by the time i was done.

i got in and drove home, going about 40 mph on the interstate.

as i pulled into the drive, i went to undo my seatbelt.

my heart flew up into my throat as i realized

i had never fastened it.

in all my years of driving, i have never, and i do mean never, driven without my seat belt fastened.


i immediately said a prayer of thanks as i realized just how bad my drive home could have been. 

just one patch of ice, just one other driver hitting a bad patch, i could have been gone. 

just like that.

i am so grateful for the crew of angels that drove home with me.