birthday bouquet...

my only-est girl turned 4 recently, and instead of doing a traditional cake, i decided to give her a flower pot filled with sugar cookies!  she was thrilled with them, and it was super easy!

i started off using a package of sugar cookies from betty crocker, and made the recipe off the back for the cut-out cookies. (cheating, i know, but i was short on time).  at Easter time, i found a wilton cookie pan mold with flowers on it.  i filled the cookie tin with the cookie dough, stuck in the wilton cookie sticks at varying lengths and baked.  it was super easy!  and they came out beautifully once they cooled a bit.

i enlisted the help of daddy to decorate her flower pot, which i got at wal-mart for $3.99.  he painted it with fireworks, flowers, fish, and a happy birthday sign along the top. i am glad he is artistic, because my painting would have been disastrous.

why the face?  because of this:

there wasn’t any way he could fix it!

next i mad rice krispie treats and molded them into the pot.  in retrospect, i should have used cocoa krispies to look more like dirt, but this worked.

i positioned some extra cookie sticks in the treats so that i wouldn’t have to force the actual cookies into hardened treats.  i am very glad i did this, because i probably would have broken a cookie or two trying to get them in.

i decorated the cookies with various brands of cookie icing.  quick drying proved to be the easiest to work with.  they didn’t turn out too badly, although i think my creativity lacked immensely.

stinkerbell loved the way they smelled!! (who doesn’t love the fragrance of sugar cookies?) she kept ‘sniffing’ her bouquet!

everyone enjoyed eating them.  they were HUGE, though.  way more sugar in one sitting than my kids are used to.  they had to go run it off outside for about 2 hours!

all in all, a success, i think!  if you decide to make these, would you link to my blog and let me see them?  i would love to have new ideas for the next time.

linking to Mingle Monday today with Robyn at addapinch.com

MOB introduction

hi! i am a wife, a nurse, and a mom. and for the purpose of this hop, i am a mom of BOYS. 3 of them. they have all contributed greatly to my need for sleep aids as well as mood stabilizers (just kidding, but not really!) i also have one little girl. i find it keeps things interesting.

like trying to nail jell-o to a tree, interesting.

i am a C. i am a C-H. (sing it with me, now...)

i am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N...

i will spare you the rest, but i bet you have it in your head now!

i have been since my senior year in college, 1994. i am 36, about to turn 37 next week (yikes!!). i have been married to my husband for 11+ years (12 in November). we live in the southeast corner of colorado. although we are both from a variety of places.

i don’t like using my shift key when i type, hence the poor capitalization.

my boys. ahhh, my boys.

the oldest is tictac, named so for his numerous vocal and physical tics. none so serious as to require medication, and we are really praying he outgrows them, but tics nonetheless. he is 8, a homeschooled child for the last 3 years. he loves all things detailed. he invents very elaborate tools and play structures and computers on paper. he HATES writing anything down on paper that has to do with school. with a passion. it is challenging to teach him and i have to try to get out of the box with him.

next is bonobo. you know. like a monkey. climbs all over everything. the first of the boys to get stitches. (that was such a fun day *smirk*). he just turned 6 and is an all or nothing kind of kid. and it is usually all angry. although, he has these moments, where i can see God working in him. and it is so gracious of God to allow me the privilege of seeing it and be encouraged in it. he is also schooling at home, “officially” in his first year, although i don’t technically have to start him til next year.

the third is a little girl, stinkerbell. although she isn’t a boy, she is just as much of a challenge (maybe more) than the boys. she turned four this month, and she has come into her whiney phase with gusto. more like a tornado. she and i often butt heads, she is very headstrong (nah, really? wonder where she got that from?) but also ridiculously adorable. makes it really hard to discipline her.

and last is the moose. i am pretty sure God saved him for last because if we had had him first, i would have sworn off children forever! he is the one that is going to break a limb. he is the one that is going to try to fly off the play structure in the backyard. this kid, he cannot be left alone for a second! he has already had one header down a flight of stairs. that one still makes my heart pound. he is quite adorable and has an easy disposition. although i am afraid he will be as stubborn as the rest as he grows into his fearlessness.

so, there you have it. my kids. my life. i work outside the home while my husband gets his business off the ground. i am a Hospice nurse 2 nights a week and an ER nurse one night a week. very diametrically opposed, don’t ya think? i homeschool on the days i am off. my husband just got an office space, so he no longer is at home during the day, which is a blessing and a curse. now i have to take all kids on all the errands. i shudder thinking about it.

i love my husband and my kids, and even my job. my problem is balance. i love to see what other people are doing in their homeschooling, but i have that awful gene in me where i compare myself to everyone else and find myself lacking horribly.

i know i am a daughter of the KING. and that it is HIS opinion, only, that counts. i know i am a work in progress. i know HE will one day make me whole. and while i long for that day, the sinful human side of me want to hang out here and watch my children grow, get married, and live.

we desire to love God and show our children that love. so that they, too, might come to know Him. i have absolutely no idea how to do that. i hope we figure it out before they all turn 18 and leave the nest.

it is a battle. one i have to be willing to fight. i can no longer be lazy and hang out on the sidelines and depend on others to guide my children. it has to be through my husband and me. led by the Holy Spirit. and i have to quit thinking that i can do it alone.

did you hang in there for this whole post?? WOW! i am impressed. let me know you stopped by, and i will be sure to visit you as well! blessings to you on this day.

join in the MOB blog hop here

turning 4...

our only girl turned 4!!  cannot believe it.  we relived the day of her births, the bedrest leading up to it, all the turmoil and family junk that transpired those last few months of my pregnancy with her. 

but now we have her!  and i couldn’t be more torn between happiness and sadness that my little girl is now 4.  she is still full of sweetness and sometimes vinegar.  she has a smile that lights up any room, and a selfless disposition (as long as it doesn’t involve her animals!) she loves all things pink and purple, and yet can play with the hot wheels like a pro.  i love her dearly and cannot imagine our home without her.

here are a few pics from her birth-day day! 

i made flower cookies on sticks. and put them into a clay pot filled with rice krispies treats to hold them.  these were a HUGE hit!  tic tac kept saying they smelled sooooo good !  (they tasted pretty yummy, too! i might post a tutorial if anyone is interested.)

we did a cupcake tree in lieu of a cake, since i did the cookie planter.  she loved the twisty candles.  it took several tries to get the last candle, though.

her big gift was a new Schwinn tricycle.  it looks like a pink harley!  she had some trouble getting it to go fast, though, so her big brother helped her along.

she loves the cool bell and the dangling cords from the handles.  she is sporting her new dora glasses, too (a gift from the boys).

everyone got to enjoy a cookie.  they were HUGE!

happy birthday, stinkerbell!!  we love you oodles!

getting back there...

lately, i have been sort of missing in action from family life.

i am here physically, but mentally and emotionally, and.. well, especially spiritually, i kind of checked out.

the last few months have been especially hard on all of us. 

we have had so many major stressors in the last year or so, and i think everything just tumbled down onto me at once. 

see, i am really good at pushing the worries and stress way down deep.  but then, as all good volcanoes do, i erupt and pour hot molten lava on everything (and everyone) in my path, leaving a trail of destruction.

i have done lots of damage these last few months in particular.  i had to return to work full time and that was a big adjustment.  the KISA has been working to get his business off the ground, but the only time he can work is when i am not working, so our marriage has taken a hit or two.

it feels like we are in crisis management mode and on auto pilot.

the groceries got so far down the other day, we were out of just about everything.

and i can’t figure out how to get back..

back to where i loved God and prayed to Him and depended on Him. 

back to where i liked my kids and my husband. 

back to where i wanted to do more than eat and lay around and do nothing but watch reruns of Grey’s Anatomy (i know, i am really laying it all out there for ya).

back to where my prayer journal had prayers in it. 

and my gratitude list was full of gifts.

back to where i looked forward to spending the evening with my husband.

back to where my smile was genuine, and lit up my face.

maybe i need to stop lamenting about what i left behind and look forward to what is ahead.  it is just that the path seems so gray.  not dark or light... just full of fog. 

God hasn’t left me.  i cannot blame Him.  but somehow, i have to find my way to Him. 

He's here!!!

ahhhh...the moment we were waiting for finally arrived :) our precious little man entered the world in true troublemaker fashion!

vital stats:

8 pounds 14 ounces (!)
20 inches
complications: clavicle fracture from a shoulder dystocia

can i just tell you how glad i was to have had my first/only epidural with this little man? the shoulder sticking under my pubic bone would have been sheer torture without it! never, never thought i would be loving the epidural so much!

pictures will be coming soon, i promise. as soon as i get to feeling a little better, that is! i still have elephant ankles and a sciatica from the depths, but otherwise we are doing superbly :)

it doesn't get any better than this...

in light of my last few posts, that probably seems like we are on the upswing, right?

well, sort of.

lots of things have happened this week. i cannot quite reveal all of the details until one final piece falls into place tomorrow, but i can say that God has been revealing Himself to us in so many ways. like my friend cyndi would say, we are getting to see 'Jesus with skin on' up close and personal.

the little boy in the womb has decided he wants to bring some excitement to our lives. if you call excitement going in to the doctor's office for a 32 week check-up only to be sent directly to the hospital for monitoring and the first of two steroid shots to help baby boy's lungs develop just a teeny bit faster than they would on their own. ripened cervix and dilated to 1-2 cm were not phrases i wanted to hear. but, hey. a little excitement never hurt anyone, right?

so now we are on 'bedrest.' i dread that word. it was hard when i had a 4 and 2 year old when i was pregnant with stinkerbell. and it is even harder with a 7, 4, and 2 year old. thankfully, due to circumstances beyond our control, my hubby has been home for the last 4 weeks and has been able to be the 'mommy' in many ways and significantly lessen my workload.

not his chosen profession, but he does amazingly well at it! i am convinced that if he hadn't been home, the bedrest thing would have happened waaaaay before this.

last time, i wasn't so gracious with asking for help. i was pretty stand-offish, and i am ashamed to admit that. i wasn't quite ready to be humbled and ask for help, even though i desperately needed it. the KISA was 4 hours away training for a new job the monday after i was put on bedrest. we had to have people in the house 24-7. i was very prideful, and usually when pride is involved, grace is not. i hope i have learned my lessons (probably not, but i think i did learn a little). i look back on those days with a lot of regret. thankfully, my friends just stepped up and ran with scheduling so i didn't have to worry about the details. i am not sure what i would have done without them (thanks, tammy and karen!).

regret that i wasn't more thankful toward those who so willingly served us and put up with my moodiness.

regret that i didn't accept more of the help that was offered and limiting the abilities of others to show Christ to us.

regret that i didn't see God actively working in our lives in the midst of it. i can look back now and recount the blessings, but i missed out while it was happening.

so now...what am i doing? advertising our needs :) even though i am a much better giver than receiver, i know that when i find out about a need too late to help with i am always saddened with the thought that i wasn't able to help.

within hours of my first e-mail/facebook post i had an overflowing inbox. the tears coursed down my face as i opened each email and saw the outpouring of prayers, offers of meals, and help with childcare. each day has brought new emails, phone calls and offers of help. i am truly blown away.

God is blessing us in so many ways. more than i can share here yet. but when i tell you the rest of the story, you will be amazed by God's goodness and protection.

He has never, ever let us down.

and He never will.

the BIG 7!

the tootsie pop spiders



my oldest turned 7 this weekend. crazy. my husband and i recounted to him the story of his birth...a pretty quick story, actually, but one that he loved to hear. especially in light of the fact that he has a(nother) little brother coming into the world in 20 weeks, give or take.

he requested a "spider" themed party. we haven't ever given him a party before, except those that involve family. this was indeed new territory for me, and was a tad bit frightening!!

i waited too long to place my order from oriental trading company for all things buggy. silly me. i thought i would be able to find spiders and such at the local hobby lobby, but it was full of christmas stuff, not spooky, creepy crawly things :)

note to self: start encouraging alternate themes for birthday celebrations early on!

anyway!

we had 8 children total, 7 boys and one girl! bless her heart! she jumped right into the creepy crawly stuff!!

we started the time doing bug sun catchers. the paint tubes were a big plus so we wouldn't have to deal with paintbrushes.



then we read a really gross bug book, which the boys all laughed hysterically at and the moms all wrinkled their noses at. (sorry, moms! he asked for it, how could i say no?)

BUGS! by David T Greenberg, scholastic inc.



then we made I Spy bug bottles using small empty G2 bottles, plastic bugs from OTC, and rice.

we had our green spider cake with licorice legs and then spent a LOT of time outdoors running off the sugar!



i think, all in all, it went off pretty well for my first attempt! no one was injured (that i know of) and very few tears were shed. except by me, of course, as i always cry on my babies birthdays! how dare they get any older???

Wednesday's Manna...Learning in Difficult Circumstances

well, it is over.

the visit.

grandma left on saturday, and i have been catching up since then.

cleaning, organizing, catching up on facebook and email.

reflecting.

it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be on some levels.

on other levels, it was worse.

i was not nearly as hospitable as i hoped i would be. i am one of those people who really enjoy my personal space, and i guess i just felt that i couldn't be my self in my home. isn't that what having guests is all about, though?

i also felt like i was performing, and i do not like having to put on an act.

BUT!

i also learned a lot from my MIL

i watched her interact with my children. not just sit on the couch and watch them play.

ahem. i would never do that. sit on the couch that is. ahem.

she got down on the floor and wrestled them (when mommy wasn't in the room, we have a pretty strict-or so i thought-rule about wrestling with girls...), tickled them, read to them, got totally involved with their imaginative play.

i don't do that nearly as often as i should. instead, i bustle around doing chores, tidying up after the kids, doing laundry, making meals, cleaning the kitchen...you know, 'mommy stuff.'

but i watched my kids very happily playing with grandma. vying for her attention, even jealous for it. grandma was first pick for both the boys when it came to reading stories, playing candyland, or who to sit next to at the table. stinkerbell still chose me...thank goodness!

they love their grandma. and i got to see that my own time with my kids was sorely lacking...i don't dig in nearly enough. i am usually just looking for things to occupy their time so i can do other things.

so. thank you, mother-in-law. even though i was apprehensive about your visit, you taught me something about being a better mom.

and i am glad i took the time to see the lesson you were teaching me.

Before I Go...

i was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. melanoma. on my neck. i had two outpatient surgeries to remove the malignancy, and have been cancer free ever since. but tragedies occur every day. we were in a nasty accident in april of this year. it left me a bit shaken. life is oh, so fragile. i only have to read a newspaper or turn on the news to see numerous deaths occur around us. what would happen to my children if, heaven forbid, i was taken from them? if i never got to see them graduate high school or get married and have children, get their driver's license? what if i never got to impart my motherly wisdom? (ok, that is a stretch. i don't have a lot of wisdom, so to speak). i want to be able to share with my children my words as i watch them grow up. and as i discover things about them that are so precious that i want to preserve them. and to tell them about my own mistakes so that they won't make them, hopefully. to share about love and life, and most importantly, about Jesus. so i am starting this blog theme. i do it in a blog, not to get recognition for the writings, but so that i make sure they are preserved. paper yellows and can get burned or damaged. although i do write things to my children in books, i cannot be sure they will survive my life. i know a lot of moms/dads diagnosed with a terminal illness do videos of themselves talking to their children so that their kids will have something to view after their death. i know that i do not currently suffer from any illnesses, but i do not know when my time to go will be, and i want to make sure that i don't waste any time/breath in the here and now.

maybe it will be a keepsake to them when they are older, and if i am blessed enough to be present for all the milestones, i will be able to share with them my thoughts from their childhood. i hope it will be a legacy.

maaaahhhhhmmmmmyyyyyyy

02.30.00 mommy

02.30.15 mo-ommy

02.30.35 MAAAHMMMMMYYYYYYY

02.30.50 yes, love, what's wrong?

'aking chair

ok, love, for a few minutes, then night-night.

02.40.00 good night, love. see you in the morning. *kiss*

02.41.00-02.45.00 mommy....MOMMY....MAAAAHHHHMMMMMYYYYYYY

silence

aahhhhhh

03.30.00 mommy...sob

03.30.15 mo-ommy....sob

03.30.20 come back, mommy...sob

03.30.30 open door...sob

03.31.00 mommy...sob

(continues in this fashion, getting louder, longer and using every word in her vocabulary, which is surprisingly large.)

04.00.00 i am sorry, honey. if i give in to her now, she will do this every night...to my hubby who has to get up at 0445 to get ready for work.

04.15.00 ack! really? is she still at it? she hasn't even taken a breath.

04.16.00. ok, love. goodness. you are so worked up. here, now. calm down. momma's got you. there, now. here's your 'b' shhhhh. (gasp, sob, hiccup, sob, gasp) do you want to come lie down with mommy?

mommy?

yes, and daddy

daddy?

do you want to come to mommy's room?

oom? oom.

ok. let's go.

04.20.00 (daddy) hi, sweetie

no-ooo (it actually has 3 syllables when she says it)

ok.

during this time, stinkerbell decides that she wants to play hide and seek with her toes under my blanket.

why do i even bother trying to sleep?

05.20.00 cereal bar?

are you hungry?

'ungry

ok. let's go.

and so my day is started.

did i mention that bonobo made an appearance at around 2:30 this morning to sleep with us cause he was scared. i let him in our bed for about 10 minutes then tucked him into his own. thankfully without incident.

i am on the 3rd cup of coffee.

there are many more to come. i am sure of it.

on Mother's Day

i woke up yesterday morning to my two boys and smiles with a "happy Mother's Day, mommy" chimed from both of them. i think they said it a few times as i came out of the REM fog. i hugged them both and said 'thank you,' while my Knight got out of bed to get them started on their homemade cards and he could get started on breakfast. he closed the door so i could sleep in. which never happens. i cannot sleep in. our house is way too small for that. so i lay in bed, reflecting on past Mother's Days and how this one compared. my husband has forgotten it on a few occasions, gotten something for me that was more for him (wink, wink) and even given me the same card as the year before.

the next sound i heard was that of paper being pushed underneath the bedroom door. it turns out tic tac was pushing his first attempt at a homemade card under the door for me to see. he was quite distraught as it wasn't perfect (he is a bit ocd about those things). he had messed up on his curly 'm.' we had a discussion through the bottom of the door. touching fingers in the space between the carpet and door so i could reassure him that perfect wasn't what counted, but the thought behind the card. that i would absolutely love anything that he made for me because i knew it was coming from his heart. to which he replied...i will go try a new one! ok. now he is back downstairs, tears all gone as he sets out to make a new one.

then i noticed a haze starting to settle in our room and so i opened the door...yep...the smell of burnt sausage and eggs cooking. my breakfast. i decided to shower so that we might get out the door to church in time. after the shower the haze was definitely worse. so i ventured downstairs where all the windows were open and fans were going to help air out the room. my Knight was slaving over several pans on the stove. everything was quite delicious, even with the bit of char on it :) it was delicious because he made it for me...that doesn't happen very often.

church was good, but i found all the "happy mother's day" wishes a little strange. it isn't about me. it isn't about thanking me for serving my family every day. it isn't about me doing the wash or making the dinners or cleaning the floors. i mean, yes, it is nice to be thanked...don't get me wrong. but, for me, this mother's day was more about thanking God for allowing me this precious gift of motherhood. i am a mom. a mommy. some women never get that chance. but i get to do it. day in and day out. i do get frustrated with the daily tasks. i long for conversation that does not revolve around boogers, poop and who took what toy from whom. i sometimes explode over the noise level in our tiny box of a house. some days seem like they will never end.

but i love being a mom. i love being the steward to these precious little people. i can only pray that i don't mess them up too badly. thank goodness that God can redeem my mistakes along the way. thank God i am a mother.

the cards from my boys were extra special. they expressed why they love me...and, no surprise, it was because of the things i do for them. which is ok with me. because in this season of my life, i am to be taking care of them and protecting them.

and, yes, the card my husband made for me with our computer program was the same as the one he gave me two year's ago :)

Making Your Home a Haven: Choosing Love

wow. what a timely post and challenge. this morning i was caught up in a battle of screaming with my (just turned) 4 year old. he and his brother were arguing about which episode luke skywalker lost his arm in to darth vader of all things!! needless to say...J was extremely upset that N (age 6) wasn't agreeing with him, and so in order to get N to understand he turned UP the volume. and not a little, either. so i came in to "settle" the dispute, only to find myself yelling at J to stop screaming! how silly am i? it completely deteriorated and i exasperated my son to the point that he declared he didn't love me and would never talk to me again. (this has been an ongoing thing with him as he seeks methods of exerting control...we are trying to get a handle on it and encourage loving and kind speech as well as peace/unity instead of strife)...and, of course, we had to leave in like, two minutes for an Easter celebration with story-telling and drama and painting (thanks, heather!) ...

i pretty much lost it on my son and i am very thankful that we have vacant houses on either side of us. i am sure the volume alone would have warranted a call to the authorities...so...after my story, i think i needed the reminder of :

If you want to be cheerful, you must choose to be cheerful (even when you don't feel like it). If you want to have patience, you have to practice waiting quietly and calmly (even when you don't feel like it). If you want to be kind, choose kindness (even when you don't feel like it).

from tammy over at tammy's recipes. i am sometimes overwhelmed by my impatience with my children. i mean, sometimes, the loudness of the boys, the clinginess of the girl, the ever-lasting pile of laundry and dirty dishes and yellow pee around the toilet bowl (how do they miss?!?!?) just get to me. and i feel far from loving most days. starting my day purposing (is that a word?) to love, be kind, patient, react without overreacting is a lofty goal. one i have been attempting to achieve regualrly since having children (ok, really, since getting married). i needed the reminder to act in love. to promote peace and unity in the house is first accomplished by me and then the children learn by example, or so i hope.

how on earth can i expect J to stop screaming when i am screaming at him to stop screaming??? my son deserves an apology for mommy losing it on him. i think i will go do that now.

thanks for the manna, tammy!

tuesday's torment

i do not have a great relationship with my mother. or my father. or my sister. it has something to do with the fact that i believe in Christ. i think it is a disappointment to them. see, i have become this stay-at-home-mom. i got my bachelor's in 1995 for nursing, and went into the air force immediately after (the AF paid my way through school). i disappointed my father when i decided to get out of the military after four years. i disappointed them both when i decided to marry a man without a degree. and i REALLY disappointed them when i told them i was a christian and wanted to raise my family according to a biblical worldview! whew ... and...homeschooling..you gotta be kidding me! see, my sis teaches in the public school system and saw it as a personal affront that i was going to teach my own children. surely i am not qualified...ahem.

don't get me wrong. i love my family. they really aren't bad people, just misguided and not saved. if i hadn't started following Jesus, things would be different. i would be in the military still, probably with a kid or two and they would be attending public school and i would be working full time as an RN, with a master's degree and a 6 figure income.

and i wouldn't be happy. i would still be searching for the love that only Jesus can give. i would maybe even be divorced, because i am not exactly the easy-going person who just rolls with anything. it takes a super-special man to hang around me and not go crazy (...thanks, babe!).

so, i choose to be happy. i choose to go crazy with my kids on a daily basis. we may even have another one just to even out the odds...i like even numbers :) i choose to meal-plan and shop the cheapest deals. i choose to not have cable or dvr. i choose to work only one night a week so that we have enough to pay the bills. i choose to homeschool my children so they get one-on-one teaching and so we can have the freedom to go to the zoo when the crazies aren't there! i choose to put my God first, my husband second and take care of my family. i choose to be a helpmate to my husband.

and i am happy. blow-me-down, jump for joy, lovin' life kind of happy.

goodnight, booger brain

every night my husband does baths with the kids (don't hate me) because he doesn't get much time with them during the day. we share in putting the kids down. i put the baby down because she won't let daddy do it yet. our oldest usually comes downstairs to say goodnight to me and i ask him...what was the best part of your day? and what was the worst part of your day? then we do 'lovin's, kiss and head bonk' and he is off to bed. i get to put our middler down and the conversation usually goes something like this:

me: goodnight, booger brain!
him: goodnight, booger brain poopie head!
me: goodnight, belly button lint!
him: goodnight, belly button shampoopy lint!
me: goodnight, frog slime!
him: goodnight, frog slime poopy lick!

you get the hint. it goes on for quite a while and then i say i love you...to which he replies...i love you shampoopoo head...or some other goofy poop-laden comment...

he is about to turn 4. i wonder how long we will be able to do this routine. i know i am going to miss it when he stops. his goofiness is one of the traits i adore in him. there are lots of things i wish i had paid more attention to as he has grown. i cannot for the life of me remember his first steps, or the last time he breastfed...i am slowly learning, though, that every...single...moment of my children's lives are worth chronicling. i need to stop getting frustrated over the stuff that doesn't really matter anyway and focus on the things that i am going to want to remember when they are grown. like frog slime shampoopy licks.