Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Tuesday's Torment

seriously. my ma-in-law is coming in june. for two weeks. ummm.

my Knight cannot take off any time from work. he got a promotion recently (yippee!!) and june is a very busy month for him. we pretty much cannot go anywhere during june, july, august or the beginning of september. so he will be working. probably 50-60 hours/week. and i will be entertaining my MaIL. eensy, teensy, teeny, weeny little problem. we have spoken maybe 3 times since i was pregnant with stinkerbell.

i haven't gotten over it. i thought i had, but i haven't. without going into too much detail, i have some very, very hurt feelings from two years ago over conversations my MaIL had with my Ma. which my Ma was only too happy to share with me. while i was on bedrest. on terbutaline and procardia. and having 10 contractions/hour. i know my Ma was not totally innocent. she even fessed up to her part in the conversations that took place on the porch of my Ma's house. but, my MaIL has never apologized for the things said. won't deny, confirm or defend herself. at one time, i thought that meant it was all Ma's doing. but some of the things Ma knew could have only been known if actually present in my home at the time of their occurrence. but she wasn't. also, even though my Ma is a bit passive-aggressive, even bold face lying to that extent is not in her nature. especially when separate conversations with my Da revealed the same content. and my Da is a pillar of truth. he really despises lying. he also tells me up front what he thinks of me (thank you for that) and doesn't sugar coat things when he thinks i am in the wrong.

so. where does that leave me? hurt, for one. some very hurtful things were said. very. and although i thought i had forgiven her, even though she didn't ask it of me, i think i have a long way to go in forgiving her.

i need to put it behind me. i need to keep my mouth shut. she is my husband's mother. and she deserves respect. (this situation definitely put him into a sticky situation, let me tell you. who do you side with? your wife or mom? he was very good at maintaining a level head and helping me cool my jets, that is for sure!)

for goodness sake..it was 2 years ago. she hasn't seen the grandchildren in 2 years...and i know that kills her. she has never met stinkerbell. she missed the first 2 years and has only seen her on the family webpage.

i need to put it behind me and put on a heart of hospitality. i mean, really if i am agonizing over it, i can only imagine how apprehensive she is to be in my home again. i am sure she will be just as nervous to see me as i am to see her. she is like that. she apologized for eating the cheese in the fridge when she stayed with us for 2 weeks when i was pregnant with stinkerbell. that is just who she is. she has had a very hard life. full of being put down by her husband for over 20 years and having her self-esteem ground into the dirt over and over. and i need to remember that. not my own selfish need to hash out what happened two years ago over some coffee on a porch.

ah. i feel better. maybe over the next few weeks i can really focus on how to love on her and welcome her and put on the clothing of compassion:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Col 3.12-14

this will be my prayer over the next few weeks. pray it with me?


Luanne said...

Col 3: 12-14 I think sums it up perfectly...you can be the bigger an better person. Sometimes loving the unlovable is the only way to make it better :)

P.S. I know this from experience. Good luck and my thoughts are with you!

Bethanie said...

I know exactly where you're coming from- except my mil lives across town. In the past she has said and did some very hurtful things towards me, my husband, and yes my mother also. She resents me for coming into her son's life.
I will definatly be praying for you. I understand how hard it is going to be for you to be nice. It helps me to remember that my husband loves me no matter what his mother does and that we have our own life together apart from her. I take special care with our protected haven.
I hope that she will apologize and that you can have a special relationship afterall. If not, at least its only for two weeks.

Omah's Helping Hands said...

You are already on the right track of healing and putting it behind you. Sounds like you have a wonderful supportive husband. That helps a lot. I wish you well and that God is with you every step of the way. That your home will be filled with peace, joy, and love.

gin said...

luanne. thanks for your encouragement. to be honest, i think she is totally lovable. before this incident we got along very well. it was a shock to go through this event at all. i cannot think i am the bigger person, though, esp as i have held onto bitterness for so long. thank goodness for the grace and mercy of God, eh?

bethanie, you are so right about the protected haven of our home. soon after my MaIL leaves, my own Ma will be coming and that brings with it a whole other set of anxieties! it is so hard for me to let go and let God, you know? thanks for your prayers!

omah, thank you for your words of encouragement. i do have a wonderful hubby! sometimes i forget that...i need to remember to tell him, too!! may your home also be filled with peace, joy and love :)

Stephanie said...

I just encourage you that perhaps this time will allow you to grow to be more like Christ. I would read up on Matthew Chapter 5 and the 1 Cor 13 and ask God for the grace to apply those things to your mother in law.

If you get a chance, read some of Francis Frangipanes writings or even his book The Three Battlegrounds. He has challenged me greatly in relationship areas! God bless and rejoice in this opportunity to shine your light and be like Jesus!

Stephanie said...

Also consider that she may be nervous to be with you. What greater thing could you do but embrace with open arms and a forgiving heart? Praying you can, and knowing you will!