i don't know about you, but my mind often turns to the worst possible scenario. in my mind i play out what would happen if something dreadful happened to him on the trip. like getting in a car accident, or even worse, dying. i start imagining how i would handle the news, how i would tell the kids, how i would manage, who i would call first, etc.
morbid, i know.
and full of fear.
i know that i am not to fear what can happen on this earth. that the perfect love of God casts out all fear.
i know this to be true.
but that doesn't stop my mind from racing. esp at night when the house is quiet. and i cannot get to sleep because my mate who has shared my bed for nearly 11 years now isn't there.
when we first got married, i had a hard time sleeping with him next to me.
now i cannot sleep when he is gone.
i love that we have become closer over the years. that our marriage has grown stronger instead of growing brittle like more than 50% of marriages these days.
that the word 'divorce' is not a part of our vocabulary, and that we have decided it never will be.
that he has, over time, become my best friend.
that i shed several tears over his parting this morning. when we first got married, i didn't. not because i wouldn't miss him, but just because i wasn't that sentimental. now, he leaves, and i ache.
i love his sense of humor. i don't get it most of the time, and i usually pretend annoyance with it, but really, i love it (shhhh. don't tell him!)
i love that he plays his guitar for the kids and makes up 'monster truck' songs for them to go crazy with.
i love that he writes songs that reflect where he is at in his walk with God.
i don't tell him about the little things i love... i hope i get a chance to and that nothing happens to him on this trip.
i love you, honey.