the trials of a mother

i shouldn't complain. i have 3 beautiful children. they are my life, really. but i don't treasure them as i should. i complain when they interrupt my time. not out loud, of course. not in so many words, anyway. i get short with them. impatient. lately i have been really losing my temper with them and raising my voice over little things that shouldn't get to me. i am frustrated with myself. i am not a very good mother. but i know that, by the grace of God, i can be a mother that desires to follow God. i so long to be a woman after God's own heart. and i fall so short. i am weak. i am angry. and not with a just anger. i cannot control my own pride. i cannot be humble. i cannot make myself lower than a servant. i cannot be a nobody. i long to be somebody. i long to succeed by the world's standards. and yet, as i hang onto all of these worldly, flesh-loving attributes, i put up a stumbling block before the Lord, my God. i work in complete opposition to Him.

thank goodness for grace. i need the grace of the Lord to survive myself. i want to desire Him, in all His glory to be glorified in my life. i want to be a slave. to Him. for His desires to be my desires.

i want to be a better mother. i need to be a better servant first. i need to be humble.