lonely

tonight, i am utterly alone. my husband is gone to our small group and i am home because we have a sick child running a ridiculously high fever. so i feel alone. i just read the post of a friend from an old life and i was moved to tears by her transparency in desiring to be a godly mom but feeling as though she isn't up to the task most days. the refreshing thing about it is that she IS up to the task because she knows she is not enough all on her own. and so i fight the desire in my heart to do IT on my own. again..i need to be on my knees in prayer to empty me of myself. because i am not filled with Him.. i am His, i know that. but my candle burns very dimly. my darkness is ever encompassing and i feel alone. i know He is there if i would just reach out to Him. why is it so hard to reach? i cannot even let the tears fall, lest i be overcome with the NEED for Him to be everything. i am nothing...yet He loves me still. amazing. humbling. enough.