Thursday, June 17, 2010

confidence or not?

my husband is a bit discouraged right now.

he is starting a business from scratch and he is setting appointments to introduce himself and familiarize our friends (the "warm market") with his services as an accountant.

he feels that he is spinning his wheels, in a sense, because our friends, while well-meaning with their words of encouragement and referrals, have no confidence in his ability to do what he says he can do because they only know him personally.

they know he is an honest man and hard-working, but can he really do what he says he can?

well, yes, he can, or else he would be out there pounding the pavement and getting a job in the corporate world, whenever that happened.

all that being said... i had to ask myself... do i believe he can do what he says he can?

well, of course i do!

or do i?

at 3 am as i was nursing little j.d. i realized that, although i do believe in his abilities, i certainly don't act like i do.

my actions, words, even thoughts do not reflect a belief in his abilities.

(don't worry. i have confessed this to him, so it is not coming as a surprise)

i have been less than enthusiastic in my words to him.

i have even cut him off a time or two (or three *gulp*) as i listen with glazed over eyes at his excitement over a new computer program, or method of billing, or his advertising, or his networking, because something else (or someone else) is more "pressing."

to be honest, most of what he says goes right over my head, as i am not a numbers person and i don't understand a word of it!

no wonder he is discouraged! he isn't feeling the respect of his wife as he endeavors to make a living so i can stay home with our children!

ouch.

how often do i do this to my Heavenly Father?

double ouch.

i read His Word, knowing He has promised me eternal life if i just believe in the Resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

but do i believe?

do i live my life as if this were true?

do my words, actions, and yes, even thoughts, reflect my belief in what He has promised me?

*gulp*

seems like i have another confession to make.

2 comments:

Heather said...

Gin, I can totally relate... As I was pondering your post and praying for you (and ME), the following verse popped into my head. It is from the account in Mark 9 where a man is wanting a demon cast out of his son. Jesus tells him (vs 23) "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes." The man, in desperation, responds, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."

This brings me so much hope. I do believe in him and Him, but not as fully as I need and want to. But that is where God steps in to help!

You are asking for good things and He is faithful to give us what we ask for. Keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking! (Luke 11:9-13) I plan on doing the same!

gin said...

thanks, heather! that is a great verse to meditate on. ask me every now and then what i am doing to support the KISA, ok? i definitely need some accountability in this area!