tuesday’s torment

my heart is kinda heavy today as i think about my mom.

i have written about her before.  she and i have a somewhat strained relationship.  she doesn’t approve of our homeschooling, our religious convictions, our politics… so it is only strained if we talk with any sincerity about what is really going on in our lives. 

so we avoid those topics and talk about weather, how work is, you know.. nothing with any meaning.

but lately, we talk about her health.

for the last year she has had the most baffling illness that is involving atrophy of her muscles.  she is unable to hold her head upright for any length of time.  her muscles are wasting in her pelvis and thighs and making it difficult to walk. 

she has lost her smile.  but she can still whistle.

the doctors are baffled.  she has undergone test after test.  just this last week she had tests done in denver, 4+ hours from her home.  we have to wait two weeks for results.  but the neurologist there has little hope that they will find anything.

her symptoms are just too odd.  some of her symptoms match up with some diseases, but then other symptoms just confuse the diagnosis.

idiopathic..

no known reason or cause.

i have never liked that word much as a medical professional.  it means we cannot figure it out.

so right now they are calling it idiopathic dystrophy.

and meanwhile, my mom’s daily life is slowly ebbing away without any good reason.

she has aged more than i ever imagined in this past year.

it was shocking to see her for the first time last september when we moved back.  she looked so old.  and tired.

i am not sure what to do for her other than pray.

will you pray with me?